Through Out The Years
by Trivher
Summary: A glimpse at Carey's life on March 3rd for several years.
1. 2001

**I do not own these characters, well a few I do.**

Carey's POV. March 3rd, 2001.

  
I listened to the message on my phone over and over. Hearing and understanding every word, but not quite comprehending it. I think this is what they call shock. Not sure if I'm liking it that much. I hadn't told anyone about the phone call, not even Molly. I should tell her, I should make a decision first, I I really don't know what I should do. And I would have to make it completely on my own, nobody could tell me which road to take. I hit the back button the machine setting the message back to the start point, and I listen yet again.  
  
"Hey Carey my name is Thomas Young I am a singer with a band called Horse Riddles. Our guitar player recently had to quit because of family situations. Well the band and me caught your performance last week in St. Paul you have so fuckin' amazing talent. We loved for you to be apart of our band. Call me back at (122) 419-8232. Thanks."  
  
I had no idea how this guy got a hold of this personally cell phone number, but with information available everywhere it wasn't comply impossible. Horse Riddles weren't some little wanna-be band with a lot of spirit and little talent, they were known and talented. Not known in the fact that I could say the name and everyone would respond, "Oh I have heard of them." More like up and coming, on the edge of really breaking out. How great would it be to be apart of something like that!?  
  
I couldn't do it though. I had commits and promises I made to Molly and the rest of the band. They needed me, not that they couldn't survive without me, oh I don't know! We could also be on the brink of big time stardom, it's possible. But I must admit not very likely. I love the music we do, Molly has a wonderful voice, just people aren't into that kind of music these days. Their more into stuff that Horse Riddles play.  
  
My heart had the answer; my head had one as well. Unfortunately they weren't the same. I would go with my heart, it always knows the best decision. I grab the phone and dial the numbers, listen to the rings and wait to tell Thomas my decision of his request. 


	2. 2002

March 3rd, 2002.

            "God damn it Leo!  How fucking stupid can you be!?"

            "Don't blame this on me!  I'm sick of all your bullshit."  I stood there becoming invisible next to the speaker again, staring down at my guitar.  I hated to get in the middle of Leo and Marc's arguments they were usually both wrong but telling them that would open the gates of hell.  I can't even remember what sparked this newest battle of wits, I doubt I'd ever figure it out.  No one ever could, not even Marc or Leo.  Thomas was in the back of the room sitting Indian style on the floor staring off into space, just thinking.  I admired his ability to remove himself from any situation and just live in his mind, I wish I could do that. 

            "Hey Cares!"  Marc shouts over to me.  I hate being called Cares it sounds degrading and childish, but no one cares about my feelings in the matter.

            "Yeah?"  I answer still pretending that I'm admiring my guitar.  
           "Hellllo?  Earth to Carey!  Wake up!"  I often wonder does Leo have any idea of how annoying he is, or does it just happen and he actually believes his behaviors and actions are up to par according to society standards?  One of life mysteries.

            "Are you guys ready to continue with the rehearsal?"  I ask them.  

            "Ding ding ding ding!"  Leo replies at the same moment Thomas drags himself off of the floor and stands in front of the center microphone.  Marc begins the countdown on the drums to start the music.  Leo stands on the other side of the room from me strumming on his bass.  The song starts, the same song I could play forward, backwards, middle to the end and back to the beginning, the song that would always be drilled into my brain like the alphabet is.  Watching Thomas sing and his serve lack of elation I know he feels the same way.  Sometimes I can hardly believe I quit Molly's band for this.

            The first few months with The Horse Riddles had been a wonderful experience that I'm glad to have experienced.  I learned a lot about myself, bettered myself as musician, and did a lot of growing.  Experiences I could never experience with Molly Phillips and the family fun tour!  Not that I'm not grateful for everything she and the rest of band gave to me.  Just I had to move on with my life, and peruse my real dreams.  

            At first I kept in close contact with my parents, the Phillips, the whole grew and everyone else contected to that life.  Soon with our traveling and their shows it was becoming harder and harder.  It's been seven months since I have heard from any of them and vice versa.  I don't really regret any of it though I still believe The Horse Riddles will be my true ticket to fame.

            "Marc!  What the hell are you doing!?"  Leo screams his voice blaring all over the room because of the microphone standing right in front of him.  Another argument breaks out, Thomas retreats back to the floor, and I fiddle around with the strings.  They might be my true ticket to fame and glory but it was sure becoming one hell of a ride! 


	3. 2003

March 3rd, 2003.

            I looked into the mirror cracked along the edge surprised to see my reflection wasn't cracked as well.  I felt broken, I wanted to run and cry like a small child under his bed.  In a few moments would the greatest accomplishment so far in my life.  All the dreams that have ruled me since I heard The Beatles blaring from my dad's stereo had came down this day.  I was going to be playing on a live award show with countless millions around the world watching me.  I might have been a bit relaxed about it and been able to shake off some jitters if it hadn't been for Molly.

            Just when I think I had successfully permanent isolated myself from my life before I received a phone call.  From one of them.  I was sure after the fight that would make battles mythological warriors fought seem like child's play I had with them a few months ago I would never hear from them again.  And I was ok with that, I really was.  Sometimes it just because way too much and leaving becomes the only way.  I'm not first person to abandon his or her childhood bunches do it.  But not many are drawn back in because of one phone call.  Just thinking about it makes my stomach churn with anger, sadness and shame.

            Molly was in a car accident according Jack she was in serious but stable condition.  Now that's an oxymoron if I ever heard one.  I know car accidents were her one true phobia in life ever since Rick lost his life in one.  I wanted to be by her bedside to hold her hand let her know I still cared.  I always had and stupid fight could never really change that.  But I was thousands miles away.  Wearing unimaginable tight leather pants my hair greased back the lights shining off of it.

            "You're on in 3 minutes lets get a move on it!"  A woman with a clipboard in her hand and a headset around her neck screams at me.  I wasn't ready for this.  But my band mates wear counting on me.  I couldn't do anything about Molly at least not at this moment.  I would be a fool to throw away an opportunity such as this.  I had to do it.  In the future I would not look back at this moment as the greatest moment of my life though. 


	4. 2004

March 3rd, 2004

            "Ok Molly three more  times and will be done for the day."

            "I don't want to!"  I glance up from the latest inslument of Life magazine and start to chuckle at the ladies in front of me.

            "What's so damn funny!?"  I knew that Molly wouldn't find my strange sense of humor very humorous at this moment I should of tried to be more sensitive to her.

            "Just the look of your face and you reminded me of 3 year old.  It was cute."  Carey you are an idiot!  Why don't I ever think before I think?

            "A three year old!?  That's what I am you know.  A helpless child who can't do damn thing for herself."

            "No your not Molly you're doing really great."  Cynthia says while I nod in agreement.

            "You're paid to say that.  Now if you don't mind I would like to go home.  Now."

            "But we have three more to go, remember it's important to keep a strict schedule."  Cynthia tells her already aware of the fact Molly would not budge.

            "Not now Cynthia, not today.  Come on Carey take me home please."  I place the magazine down on the chair, walk towards her, and gently push her away.  I still had trouble coming to terms with the realization that she couldn't walk.  Every day I will wake up and think to myself 'What a horrible dream!'  Only to re-discover Molly a little while later sitting in her wheelchair.  Three months after the accident, all of her injuries had healed well enough to begin physical therapy.  Sadly very little process as been reached.  On good days, Molly can stand with the help of the parrell bars, and on rare accusation take a step without any help.  The rest of the times she needs someone to help her up, to stay up, and to move.  Some days she's fine with the change, learning to accept it.  And others like today I know I'll have to begin a suicide watch.

            The car ride home was in silence, just like every other day.  With the radio being out of commission the quietness echoes loudly in your head.  But neither of seems to be willing to be the first to lose in the Silent Game.  And as a result the hour and half drive we keep our mouths closed.  I'm sure that's not healthy for her pouts of depression, and the doctors along with the counselors have informed me to make sure she talks.  The truth of the matter is I hate when people force me to talk when I obviously have no desire to, and it just angers me.  I refuse to do that Molly.  

            "When are you leaving?"  I jump at the unexpected sound, luckily I didn't swerve into a vehicle and get us killed.  I had been dreading this question, unwilling to accept the fact I would have to leave again.  

            "I'm not sure.  Maybe in November."  I have no idea why I said November it was the first month that popped in my head I suppose.

            "Carey no.  I love you, your friendship, and all you have helped me with in these past few months.  But you have to leave.  It's not like I won't like to keep you here with me forever, you're still young, and have the world to uncover for yourself.  And don't worry about me.  I will be fine.  So please Carey."  I knew all of that, I knew she was right.  If that's the case why am I having so much trouble letting go?  Then I start to think about The Horse Riddles, they'd drop the new guitar player in flash if I returned.  I thought about girls.  Not any pacific girl but just girls in general.  Maybe I would change that leaving date to later this month. 


	5. 2005

March 3rd, 2005

            I slowly made my way towards the bedroom shutting the door behind me with more forth than I intended to.  It was pitch black even the streetlights weren't bright enough to shine through, and I liked it that way.  I needed a dark place to hide and waste in until I became invisible.  Everything was silent even the consist hum of the semi-broken air conditioner had stopped.  Leo and Chad were staying with their girlfriends for the night properly doing anything but sleeping.  Thomas was up in the attic acting like a psychopath watching the world on the nearly dead city below.  He'd be up there all night and perhaps till pass sun up.  Leaving me alone to confront my anger and inward jealous head on.  Something I had to do but feared more than anything.

            Marc had started it all.  I clinch my fists in rage trying hard to contain myself from breaking everything and everything around me.  I have come across my share of asshole but no have the honor of working me up into frenzy such as this.  And to think I called that guy my friend, one of my best friends.  I suppose we all have our moments of idoiticy.  I can picture his smock filled expression that image will forever be sketched on my brain.  What pisses me off the must is I should have seen it coming.

            I want to know at what point did I become so trusting with everybody?  The classic Pollyanna approach isn't foreign to me, seeing something good in even the worth scenarios.  I just never thought I'd become Pollyanna and allow goodness and positive thoughts invade my life.  Maybe the blame lies in the fact I hate to argue and will happily agree with anyone and anything to avoid even possible altercations.  No actually, it's completely Marc's fault.  That bastard!  I couldn't hold the anger in any more; I take a swing in the darkness making contact with the cds sitting on the dresser.  Having everything in the world just wasn't enough for him.  He need more.  Even it belonged to me.

            I don't blame Shannon even though apart of me knows I should.  We weren't meant for each other and I was planning on breaking the relationship off soon anyways.  But under civil and polite situations.  Like during a nice dinner at one of those semi-fancy restaurants.  Not by catching her and Marc fucking on the living room couch.  What makes me the must anger is the fact they didn't even try to hide by at least going to a bedroom.

            The only thing that night I was grateful was Thomas agreeing that Marc had to leave the band immedially.  We already had Chad, Leo's cousin we knew the songs better than any of us.  Days turned to weeks and weeks to months.  And just when I think that chapter titled Pure Hell is over for me, another paragraph is begun.

            Shannon had a baby.  With two possibilities for the father.  Since she was sleeping with us during the same time frame and Marc and myself have similar looking features a blood test would be needed.  On the one hand I don't want kids at least not at this point of my life.  The other hand is the idea of Marc having kids now or even 20 years from now makes me nearly sick.  I guess this is what they call the real world. 


	6. 2006

March 3rd, 2006

            "Carey can you please get her to stop crying!?"  My dad yells at me from the living room.  I had finally made it back home after over a year of playing Houndi.  I walked into a chaos zone everything was falling down and out of control.  And some how in my dad's eyes that was my fault.  I don't know what happened between us.  We have had our disagreements just like any other father and son relationship.  Those were patched up neatly or we agreed to disagree and left it at that.  Now I can do nothing right and he's becoming dumber and dumber in my eyes as each day passes by.  On the other hand mom and I are having a wonderful relationship.

            Sighing loudly in hopes dad could hear me I shuffle my way towards the end of the room where the basinet was set up. I look down at the fussing child and smile and give a little wave.

            "Hey there little one.  Whatcha crying for huh?"  I ask her while picking her up and feeling for any wetness, dry as a bone.  Thank God.  Of course she doesn't answer me only screams louder.  Such small lungs shouldn't be able to pronounce such a sound if you ask me.  I return to the couch and set her carefully on my lap to allow us to watch TV together.

            "Come on Olivia it's time to hush down.  You can't be hungry because you were feed 20 minutes ago.  So what's going on in that little head of yours?"  I ask while brushing my hand over her soft blond curls, she stops for a second to look up at me, and we have a little moment it doesn't last long.

            "Carey I told you to quiet her down!"  Dad comes into the room with a mixing bowl and spatula in hand.

            "I'm trying!  It's not as easy it looks!"  All we ever do is scream at each other certainly not something to sooth Olivia down.

            "Fine whatever give her to me."  He asks after setting the bowl down on the counter.  I stand up and walk towards him.

            "Here go to grandpa honey."  I tell Olivia while she switches over, still crying.  Dad leaves the room as if it were on fire.  I go back couch knowing full well there is a lot of stuff I should be playing with to get ready for this weekend.  But my family isn't excepting much from me so why disappoint them?  Molly is suppose to come over with Jack in a few hours.  It'll be great to see them again long as we don't reminisce about the old days.  I jump at the sound of the front door being opened.

            "Oh it's just you."  I say with a laugh after looking up.

            "It's great to see you too!"  He returns the laugh and smacks me on the upper back.  Maybe something about coming home would be nice.  This was this first time Clu and I had a moment alone without half the world running around us.  Our only evidence that other people existed was Olivia's crying.  Clu looked so different, clean cut, and actually mature.  A lot had changed.  I suppose I looked different in his eyes as well.

            "Hey Clu?"

            "What?"

            "Your daughter is driving me insane!"

            "Yeah I know how long as she been crying for?"

            "About ten minutes, dad has her."  I tell him after thinking for a moment.

            "Well Megan should be back from where every in the hell she had our mother's went pretty soon."  I look at him again searching in his eyes the boy who used to be my silly out of control little brother.

            "What in the hell are you doing?!"  He asks obviously creped out by my staring.

            "I just can't compretend the idea that in a three days you'll be married."  He just laughs and smiles proudly.  My dad becoming the wicked witch of the east, Clu's marriage, mom's retiring from managing everything was changing and evoluvoing.  Except for me. 


	7. 2007

March 3rd, 2007

            "Has the jury reached its decision?"  The stern and tired looking gentleman asks the twelve people sitting nicely in the side box.

            "Yes your honor we have."  A young woman with a yellow shirt stands and answers the question.  I hang my head to stare at my shoes, my hands massaging my knees; I was going to be sick.  This was the moment that would change everything for me and the ones I cared about.  No matter what the verdict is read as life as I know it will vanish drastically.  I like change, it's good, but not like this!

            "What say you?"  The judge asks obviously used to saying this several times a day.

            "We the juror find the defendant Thomas K. Young guilty of first degree murder by reason of insanity."  I didn't throw up but find myself getting misting eyed.  I look over towards Thomas to catch his reaction of the news that was just annocounced.  Like so many times before he's had before stone-faced expression.  Does he not realize wasn't going on?  Is he that insane?  Or this is a perfectly calculated plan to get off easier?  For all the years I have known Thomas, I can't provide that answer.  I always knew he was a strange one, walked in his own beat.  But to think he'd ever take another living persons breath away is infallible to me.

            I was then over come with a strong desire to jump over the miniature wooden wall separating us and strangle him to death.  How could he do this to me!?  I need this band, the excitement of the stage and he took that all from me!  Lack of sleep from the past few weeks, I can't even remember the last time I caught more than an hours of sleep at one time, was starting to take a toll on me.  I felt like an infant ready to starting crying because the sand man had hit him forcefully across the head.  The Horse Riddles would now officially break away from one each other.  It was a long time coming even before Thomas's break down of total sanity.  None of us were buddy-buddy anymore, no matter how much I pretended it was all happy like the Partridge Family.

            Where do I go from here?  Chad and Leo were going to stick together and cruise the L.A scene waiting for an opening in a band.  Or just start their own up.  They offered me a chance to join them but Thomas was the only member of the band I'd follow.  I'd also follow Molly and her band as well.  Looking back I can't believe I let that go.  I have barely anything to show for hanging my hat up with them.  Far as I reached was one appearance on an award show, and it didn't even boost our record sells.  I have heard rumors that our performance and being invited was the worst mistake ever made.  Molly won't be invited, won't have a fraction of the audiences The Horse Riddles did, but I don't care.

            Finally the tears start to fall silently down my face.  The toll of everything had become too much.  I knew what I had to do.


	8. 2008

March 3rd, 2008

            "Are you ready to do this?"  That was the fourth person who had asked me that or a near copy of the question.  I didn't have an answer to give any of them.  A part of me was ready and the other part of me couldn't wait to travel millions of miles away.  I haven't felt nervousness like this since God I can't remember how long!  And I hate this feeling of being innerly out of control.  Do they feel the same as me?  They must, I mean how could they not?

            I watch Olivia and Dustin playing helping in and with a pile of grass, no concerns of the tiny bugs about to invade their terroity.  Ah to be a child again.  Everything is new and exciting nothing has scarred you completely.  Maybe one day I'll have a few of my own.  I always swore I won't, but things change.  Who want to marry me let alone have children with me?

            "Are you excited?"  There's that damn question again!

            "I suppose so, oh hell I don't know!"  I finally announce.

            "Aw don't sweat it you'll do great man."  Always there with an encouraging word.  Now the awkward silence starts.  Unable to get past the years of only talking through Christmas cards and every other month phone call conversations lasting barely 5 minutes.  There only purpose to make sure the other was still breathing.  I want our closeness to return to where it once was.  I'm sure he wants the same as well.

            "Well I'm going to get him cleaned up."  Jack tells me while gesturing towards Dustin.  Clu had kids, Jack as well, Fiona is excepting one in October.  Everything has changed so much here Hope Springs, still things are still strangely the same.  I guess things never completely change no matter how hard you may wish them to.  Clu is still insane but at least now in a more safe and less dangerous way.  Jack still is overly practical and everyone's best friend, well except mine.  Fiona hasn't stopped fighting injustice in this and other worlds, only she doesn't get herself into hazardous situations.  Annie well what ever came to be with her?  Once she returned with her parents no one heard from the Thelen's again.  Clu  thinks they were aliens.

            Will I ever be fully allowed back in our little huddle of friendship?  It's been 7 months since I moved back and still I am the outsider.  I am still child I was when I left with the same ideals and principles.  Maybe they're all waiting for me to o through my mentrophosis of change.  How do I do that?  How do I erase all those years from my life?

            "Carey it's almost time, let's go!"  Molly tells me while wheeling past me.  I follow right behind my heart pounding.  I stand behind her about to throw up as we all wait.

            "After 6 years the Washington Center is proud to welcome Molly Phillips!"  I listen to the crowd cheer their welcoming filling my heart with love and pure joy.  Walking up on the stage with Molly and the rest of the band, I know I made the right decision.

THE END


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